MY APPROACH TO PSYCHOTHERAPY
Happiness IS Possible, even for ordinary people like you and me
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After practicing psychotherapy for sixteen years at Cornell University, UCLA, and in private practice, I've come to realize that as human beings, we make the most change and personal growth when we are able to harness the power of positive thinking, imagining, doing, relating... In my work and personal life, I enjoy helping others discover how to use Positive Psychology, ie., how to be happy. It still amazes me how so many people want to be happy (or what some people call inner peace, contentment, etc.) but don't know how. It does not matter from walk of life you are from, how severe you think your problems are, what your race/ethnicity, religious or spiritual belief, sexual orientation or gender identity is, anyone is capable of being happy. Recall moments in your life when you felt down and suddenly a thought comes to mind or a friend tells you something that changes your perspective helping you to feel better. That is the power of the mind. If you can change how you think, you can change how you feel, and ultimately you can change how you experience your relationships, your work, your Self and your life.
“Dr. Wendy, what if I'm someone who's not born to be happy or positive?”
I myself was not someone who was born with a sunny predisposition. I have had my share of losses and challenges. I am neither pollyanna-like or naive. I, too, was someone who didn’t know how to be happy. In fact, I never would have thought that I could be happy let alone sustain it. I feel that if I can be happy, so can other people.
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“Dr. Wendy, how do I learn to be happy?”
Earlier in life, I strived to be happy which doesn’t work. Efforting does not work. Since I was a teenager, I read many books, I tried different religions, I volunteered, I created art, I studied psychology--all in search of happiness. All gave me useful knowledge and experience, but as for the search for happiness, all ended in vain. Without knowing how to be happy with myself or with life, I was vulnerable to heartbreaks, fears of failure, fears of rejection, etc. I also thought success would bring me happiness. It didn’t. That’s because happiness is not connected to anything that is happening or not happening in your life. It just IS. It’s up to you to be happy or not.
Furthermore, just as a fingerprint is unique to each person, so is happiness. You have to find your own happiness, your own way. But having said that, research shows that changing your everyday thoughts creates a ripple effect in your life. Changing one's thoughts is an effective entry point towards happiness for many people.
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“Do I have to learn something special or practice meditation hours a day?”
No, not at all! Many people who lead positive and happy lives don't have special training or meditate hours a day. I might meditate here and there to center myself, or to lay a positive intent right before a speech, or a session, or an even an outing with a friend, or to feel gratitude for life when I wake up. I am an ordinary person with a past, a dream, a busy life… I found my happiness through positive thought and so can others.
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“Isn’t happiness something that’s fleeting?”
True happiness or positivity is not just a one time event, but something you learn to sustain, NO MATTER WHAT IS HAPPENING in your life. You can respond with sadness and a variety of other emotions, but you’re not stuck on one emotion. You’re resilient and return to your state of happiness much quicker.
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Also, happiness is not an end point to one’s goals, but a lifetime practice. In my personal journey, I thought that it would feel like a chore to keep up with the activities associated with happiness, but in all honesty, it feels more like a chore to choose unhappiness! Now that I feel happy, why would I want to go back? No matter what is your state of mind, you can choose to feel better.
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“Does it really work just to say positive things to yourself?”
Yes it does, but know that positivity is not just a bunch of words you say to yourself, but the inner work of attitude change that takes place, and the belief that you too can share in this abundance that we call happiness.
Positivity is a choice. Happiness is a choice. If you choose happiness, you will connect with it, you will live it. It starts with changing how you think, what you say to yourself. When you change your thoughts, you can change everything about you and around you.
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More about me:
I also specialize in helping people build the relationships they want and deal with relationships they don't want (or wish they could change). Currently, I am writing a self-development book entitled "Love, At Last" which discusses ways to find real love, reasons why we have blocks towards real love, and the journey towards self-love, that goes hand in hand with a sustained state of happiness.
I am also giving talks on the implementation of Positive Psychology, Happiness Psychology, and Spiritual Psychology in various areas of relationships and joyful living.
In my spare time, I love reading, spending time with friends and family, enjoying the outdoors, art, and music. I am constantly finding new ways to understand our human natures and ways to return to our authentic, joyful selves.
